Appendix B — Practices at a Glance
Appendix B. Practices at a Glance.
Every practice taught in this book, in one place.
STOPP. From Chapter 5.
What it is: A five-word sequence — Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Pull back, Practise what works — compressed for retrieval under load.
When to use it: The first ten seconds of an acute rejection response.
How: Rehearse it calm, in your own words, until it is reflexive. Do not attempt it for the first time at peak intensity.
Evidence: Moderately supported. Derived from standard CBT/DBT crisis skills; brevity is a design choice, not a tested protocol.
Grounding (five senses). From Chapter 5.
What it is: Using external, verifiable sensory information to interrupt an internal spiral.
When to use it: When thought has become unreliable and you need to re-establish contact with the present.
How: Name five things you can see, four you can hear, and the temperature of something you can touch.
Evidence: Moderately supported. Standard trauma-informed and CBT grounding technique; effect is well observed clinically.
The slow exhale. From Chapter 5.
What it is: Breathing with an exhale longer than the inhale, to reduce subjective arousal.
When to use it: Any time arousal is rising and you have thirty seconds.
How: Inhale for a count of four, exhale for a count of six to eight. Repeat for two minutes.
Evidence: Well supported. Reduces subjective arousal and alters heart-rate variability; the popular vagal-mechanism explanation is contested (see Chapter Nine).
Pendulation. From Chapter 9.
What it is: Moving attention deliberately between a place of activation and a place of relative ease, rather than staying inside the activation.
When to use it: When you can locate both an activated sensation and a neutral or settled one.
How: Attend to the activation briefly, shift to the ease, return, three cycles. Stop if it worsens.
Evidence: Clinical model. Drawn from Somatic Experiencing; limited controlled evidence.
Body scan (90 seconds). From Chapter 9.
What it is: A brief, frequent practice of noticing sensation from jaw to hands without trying to change it.
When to use it: Twice daily, and after any spike, to train interoceptive accuracy.
How: Move attention slowly through the body. Record what you find, not what you fix.
Evidence: Well supported. Interoception is neurally grounded and trainable.
The Rejection Reframe. From Chapter 4.
What it is: A four-movement cognitive reappraisal: Name the conclusion, Test it against verifiable fact, Widen it with three alternatives, Choose a response you would endorse tomorrow.
When to use it: After a sting, once intensity has begun to drop — not at peak.
How: Write all four movements out; do not skip Widen, and insist on three alternatives, not one.
Evidence: Well supported. Cognitive reappraisal is well supported as a regulation strategy; this four-movement structure is a clinical formulation.
Boundary design. From Chapter 4.
What it is: Deciding a rule about your own behaviour in advance, so it does not have to be decided while flooded.
When to use it: Once, on a calm day, for any situation that repeatedly costs you.
How: State the boundary as what you will do, not what you ask of someone else. Tell one person about it.
Evidence: Moderately supported. Strategic self-regulation buffers the interpersonal costs of rejection sensitivity.
IFS-informed parts work. From Chapter 8.
What it is: Speaking to a harsh inner voice as a protective part rather than as the whole self, to reduce fusion and shame.
When to use it: When self-criticism is loud and undifferentiated from identity.
How: Name the voice as a part. Ask what it fears would happen if it stopped. Thank it. Ask what it needs.
Evidence: Emerging. IFS evidence is early — a depression pilot with no between-group difference and an uncontrolled PTSD pilot. No published RSD/ADHD trials.
Compassion-focused self-talk. From Chapter 1.
What it is: Responding to yourself with kindness, common humanity, and mindful awareness rather than judgement.
When to use it: Any time self-criticism arrives — the more automatic, the more it is needed.
How: Ask what you would say to someone you loved in this exact situation, then say that to yourself, aloud if possible.
Evidence: Well supported. Self-compassion interventions show small-to-moderate benefits in meta-analysis; lower in ADHD, partly via perceived criticism.
Values clarification. From Chapter 7.
What it is: Identifying ongoing, chosen directions (values) as distinct from achievable, exhaustible goals.
When to use it: When self-worth has become entirely contingent on output.
How: Name a value with evidence — a specific episode proving you have already lived it — then one small action this week.
Evidence: Moderately supported. Values-based work is a core ACT mechanism; measurable via the Valued Living Questionnaire.
Externalisation / capture systems. From Chapter 6.
What it is: Moving cognitive load out of the head and into a single, checked place — lists, alarms, one inbox.
When to use it: Ongoing; the core daily practice for executive scaffolding.
How: One capture place. One check-point per day. Resist adding a second system.
Evidence: Well supported. Central mechanism in adult ADHD management; supports maintained treatment gains.
The repair script. From Chapter 3.
What it is: A short, unapologetic four-part message for after a rupture or a dropped commitment: acknowledge, state, re-commit, ask.
When to use it: As soon as possible after a rupture — badly and early beats polished and late.
How: Write the four parts once, in advance, so you are not composing it while ashamed.
Evidence: Moderately supported. Repair behaviour, not absence of conflict, distinguishes stable relationships.